Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
