OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
