What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
