In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
