You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
