My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
