Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
