Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
