I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
