If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
