And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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