It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
