I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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