i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
