I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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