definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
