He told me they were just razor bumps!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
