There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
