Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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