Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
