I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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