Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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