im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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