He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
