Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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