i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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