i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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