this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
