The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
