you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
