are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
