she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
