i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
