After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
