Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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