Yo dont text me then not text me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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