Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
