I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
