Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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