Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
