I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
