My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
