my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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