i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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