How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
