Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
