I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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