im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
