are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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