Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
