no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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